have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
