Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
