My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I died a long time ago.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
