Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
