so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
