if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
