i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
