Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
