Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
