dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
