my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
