just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
