I wish I only lived at night.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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