I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
