I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
