So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize