You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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