you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
