Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize