I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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