My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
