Do you still have your period?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize