So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
