i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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