I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
