got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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