i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize