When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
