We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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