I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
