he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
