We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
