Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
