Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
