so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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