Jerry, you need to find god
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize