Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
