a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize