I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
