That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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