toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize