I hope mine doesn't look like that
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your cock deserves a montage
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
