I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
