cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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