He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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