Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
