I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
