this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
