he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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