I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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