So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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