I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
