11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
