Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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