she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
