Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
