You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
