she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
