what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
