I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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