I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
