I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
