Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
