The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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