did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
