Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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